Q: How can I know that if i did the worst sins in the world, I can still return to HaShem?
A: You asked very good questions, questions that many of us have asked more than once in our lives. The answers take a certain degree of emunah that a person doesn’t always have. (Our emunah has ups and downs.) May Hashem give you the desire for emunah and the emunah itself.
A Jew has to know that as bad as he has been (even if he has committed every sin in the Torah a 1000 times!), Hashem’s kindness is greater than his sins.
Remember: Before you were born Hashem already knew everything you were going to do — and He created you anyway! 🙂
It was and is worth it to Him all the mistakes you have made, for any good that you will do. This is true even if there’s a lot more time, money and effort in the mistakes than in the good. GOD LOVES AND WANTS YOU!
Each of these is a serious challenge to face. All people think that their problems all come from Hashem. That’s not true. A lot of our problems are of our own making. When we drop a plate, it falls and breaks. That’s NOT Hashem’s fault. Our sins — and our stupidity, immaturity, impatience, anger etc. — have affects in this world. Sometimes the effect is not enough money, sometime depression, sometimes other things.
Even the challenges and problems that Hashem does make for us, are not meant to “get even” with us, chas v’Shalom. As Rebbe Nachman zal put it, “kol hisrachkus he hiskarvus” — whenever Hashem pushes us away, He is really telling us, “Come closer. I want you.”
Hashem doesn’t expect us to overcome all our sins in one day. But the COMMITMENT to try harder, to be better, even a little bit, is what we have to give Him.
Pesach is a week away. Clean out some of the chametz from the old thinking and feeling that you know has to be gone. And starting counting sefirah, go slowly, one little step at a time. As your emunah and effort get stronger, things should also start to get better as well. Amen.
Hope this helped.