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Dealing With Internal Struggle 

by Yehudis Golshevsky

Hold On! The Wrestling Match
Meshivat Nefesh #44
Within me there are two basic forces at conflict with each other.

There is a part of me that longs to bond with my Creator; to do good and be good; to express my G-dly self.

But I have to admit that there is also a part of me that likes to ignore my Creator. It seeks self-gratification, easy fixes, and doesn’t want to change.

Both of these selves are part of me, and my journey in this world is really a story of how I negotiate between them when they have such different agendas.

Rebbe Nachman taught that the internal struggles we go through are sometimes as intense as a wrestling match, and when the opponents are well paired, it’s very hard for one to win outright over the other. As the match grinds on, they both get worn down. But we see that, if one of them suddenly gets a second wind, the other also rises up with fresh energy so as not to lose the match. That dynamic has a lot to teach me.

When my higher self gets a burst of new strength, I shouldn’t be surprised when my lower self fights back with just as much force. To carry the match, my higher self needs to dig in and not get flustered by a surprise defense. It’s at that moment that I need to drum up that little bit of extra energy so that I can overcome my lower self.
Beloved G-d,
Please fill me with fresh strength…
especially at those moments when the struggle is at its height.
Because it’s then that I need it the most.

(Based on Rebbe Nachman’s Wisdom #10)

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