“Remember, it’s a mother with a pencil and journal who crafts her days, that upgrades her family and therefore culture – into geula in action.”
Last week, an issue with one of my kids came to a head and all of a sudden, I was infused with a clarity, energy, and ability that I didn’t feel I had before. Right then and there, I was able to finally put into action in a much more effective manner, what I had already been learning with my parenting mentor, Chana Rus Cohen, for helping this child.
Later that day, I met with Chana Rus on zoom to discuss. We went over the pertinent info and action steps for helping a child be self-governed – teaching him the cause and effect of his actions while not acquiescing to his emotional bondage habits as well as being able to respect parental authority and trust that his parents have his best interest at heart.
In short, Chana Rus reminded me to consistently review with my kids the four basic skills: accepting an instruction, accepting a no answer or criticism, accepting a consequence, and disagreeing appropriately. Another skill to consistently practice with them is problem-solving: writing out the problem, listing the various options for solving it, listing the advantages and disadvantages for each option, picking a solution. She also reminded me to be consistent in my 1:1 weekly meeting with my son, where I would pre-teach and practice these concepts as opposed to micromanaging him all week long.
I was able to finally put into action in a much more effective manner, what I had already been learning with my parenting mentor, Chana Rus Cohen, for helping this child!
As we were going over all of the above, I suddenly had a huge epiphany. If I would actually be able to bring these concepts into my home in a way that everyone implemented them as a daily habit, this would be a tikkun /self-improvement of huge proportions for ME! This right here, is a missing piece of the behavioral puzzle for me. Chana Rus always says, when an issue comes up with the kids, think ‘you not them’. What is it within you that needs to change? Now, this message really hit home and got me so excited to be working on it!
What I found so interesting is that at the beginning of that very week, I spent a day teaching on a women’s getaway retreat at a hotel spa. I attended some of the classes, which were all geared towards self-growth and self-improvement in one form or another. There were classes on self-compassion, self-expression through art and more and they were all really good and helpful.
As we were going over all of the above, I suddenly had a huge epiphany…
But when this incident came up with my son and I was finally able to wrap my brain around the techniques and change of heart needed to help this child, I realized that nothing blasts you into the stratosphere of self-improvement quite like helping your kids with their issues (i.e., YOUR issues). No person, seminar, book, or therapy can do what teaching a child self-government and all that it entails (it’s a lot), as well as inspiring them rather than requiring of them, infusing them with a love of learning, and truly bonding with them of course, can do – in my opinion.
Chana Rus reminded me at the end of our session: “Remember, it’s a mother with a pencil and journal who crafts her days, that upgrades her family and therefore culture – into geula in action.” Who knew… ushering in the geula truly starts right in our very own home. And the Mother Culture, as Chana Rus likes to put it – the mother’s self-evident, self-governing principles for raising her young along with her character and influence, grows for generations in the future and eventually is the main ingredient in the uplifting of the Jewish people into the times of Mashiach.
