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MY DIALOGUE WITH G-D

by breslov.org

It is so dark
I can’t find my way
I am sinking into an abyss of mud
Drowning, slowly, no one can see
I want to die

I pray to G-d to let me die
I am no good
All I do is hurt inside
The pain is too much
I want to die.

I am sinking in the mud
Going closer into the dark side
I don’t care what happens to me
This is my fate
I want to die

Where did I go wrong?
I must have been bad
I have hurt those that I have loved
G-d I am lost
I want to die.

Please dear G-d hear my prayer
I don’t know why I called out your name
You were not there when my parents died
Where were you when I lost my job?
I want to die

It is so easy to drink the pain away
Drugs to help me sleep
Drugs to keep me awake
I have lost myself to the darkside
I want to die

Why G-d would, you want to help me?
I am no good
I can’t do anything right
I have no purpose or reason to live
I want to die

Free will?
What do you mean I have a choice?
I really have a choice?
I don’t have to listen to all the negative
Thoughts that have been programmed
Into my mind?

G-d, you have given me a choice?
Why now when everything is so dark?
I can’t feel
I can’t think
I am so numb

You say to look for my light within
What light?
There is nothing.
I can’t see anything.
I am worthless.
Why was I ever born?

I am made in your image?
How can that be?
You are so powerful and I am so weak
G-d you are the Creator and I am the destroyer.

Believe in you?
What do I have to lose?
I am currently in Hell
How could anything get worse?

You say you have always been there for me
Like a parent, you let me fall
Watching me ride a bike, falling and trying again
When did I stop trying?
When did I stop believing?

I am looking for my light
Is it there, just waiting, just waiting to be used?
Now I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths
No, I can’t see my light!!

Everyone is unique
Take all the time you need
The light may be hiding, but it is there
It may be hurt or afraid

I see a little light!!
I can see it!!
I am no longer alone
The dark is slowly going away

I now see people who want to help me
All I need to do is ask and reach out
It is so hard to ask
I am so afraid

Why would anyone want to help me?
I am such a failure
I can’t do anything right
Oh, I am no good.

Wait!! My light is growing a little brighter
It looks like the Shabbos candles
How long has it been since I have seen the Shabbos candles?
Why did I stop believing?

What is this bright flame I see inside me?
MY SOUL?
You say I have a soul?
Oh my G-d, I forgot about my soul.

Yes, it is my soul
G-d you breathed life into my soul
I have within me a very precious vessel that is priceless
Just like my soul, I am priceless.

I am no longer alone
I am a special miracle created in your image
I have a choice to go forward
You have given me a purpose in life
To Share my Soul and help make this a better world.

My gift to you is my personal story.
There is hope when you are in the depths of darkness
Stop what you are doing!!
Sit down and close your eyes
Take a few deep breaths given to you G-d
Look for your light
It may be hiding, but is within you
Believe in yourself because you are MADE IN HIS IMAGE

Written by Andee Goldman

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