On the Brink of an Amazing New Realm in Your Marriage?

A wife and husband grow more feminine and masculine respectively, they experience new realms within their love relationship. And isn’t that Hashem’s will for us?

Very difficult and painful days are upon us. I have no words for the tragedy in Meiron this past Thursday and it’s just still almost impossible to digest. I am sharing this article with you even though it feels awkward to me to be doing anything right now but remain silent.

Last week, two of my friends and I went on a road trip that included visiting a very special and holy Rabbi who is available on certain days for people to seek his advice.

One of my friends had a conundrum that she wanted to discuss: almost every time her husband makes more money in his business, there is an unexpected expense for which they need to use that money. As a result, even though her husband makes a good living, they never have extra money for things like a cleaning lady, a vacation, going to America to visit her parents, fixing up the house, etc. Why does this keep happening, she wanted to know?

The Rabbi asked my friend if she and her husband were together, as in aligned, to which my friend responded that she wasn’t clear on what he was referring to.

He then further explained that when a husband and wife align, the spiritual pipeline for the abundance that awaits them flows smoothly. However, when they do not align, even if there is abundance awaiting them, it won’t flow as smoothly if at all. My friend said that she believed they were aligned since she loves her husband and is supportive and encouraging of him in various ways.

The Rabbi then went on to explain that the key is to offer her husband love, encouragement, and support in the most feminine way possible. This is because the more feminine the woman is, the more masculine the man becomes. And for a husband and wife to truly be aligned, the feminine and masculine need to be very prominent within each spouse respectively.

My friend looked lost. How much more feminine could she be? She dresses femininely including makeup and jewelry, she makes homemade meals and keeps the house clean, takes care of the children and tries to smile and be positive through the chaos that is sometimes life with a bunch of small children.

When they do not align, even if there is abundance awaiting them, it won’t flow as smoothly if at all.

Do you show and tell your husband how in love with him you are? The Rabbi asked.

Again, my friend looked lost.

At this point I’m thinking that OMG, this is getting a lot more interesting than I could have ever imagined!!

The Rabbi went on to explain that the more vulnerable, honest, and real a woman is in showing her love to her husband, the more feminine she appears to him and the more feminine she becomes. This is very important because it causes her to become more of who she truly is. It’s so important to become your real self in this word, before it’s too late, the Rabbi said.

Well, this certainly got me thinking!

The first thing that came to my mind was verse 16 in Bereishis, chapter 3: “To the woman He said… ‘And to your husband will be your desire…’” Yes, there are numerous commentaries on this verse and what follows it (“And he shall rule over you”) but for the purpose of this article I’m only focusing on the fact that this verse tells us that it is inherent in a woman’s nature to desire her husband.

Women experience a deep and meaningful pleasure from their feelings and emotions tied to their relationship with their husband (and yes, relationships in general too). Bonding with her spouse satisfies a woman’s deep yearning for her husband, ingrained in her by God.

The key is to offer your husband love, encouragement and support

The key is to offer your husband love, encouragement and support!

A man is a little bit different, it seems. While he too experiences deep pleasure in bonding with a woman, his deepest sense of meaning is tied more to doing something meaningful than experiencing something meaningful.

I mentioned in a previous article that a man is called a gever in Hebrew, which is related to the word gibor – a hero. A man’s essence is to want to save the day through heroic achievement such as financially supporting his family, doing the physically challenging tasks around the home, coming up with solutions to difficult problems, etc. What I did not mention in that article is that Chava, the name of the first woman, comes from the Hebrew word lachvot – to experience. A woman’s essence is to deeply experience the world, including relationships and especially her relationship with her husband.

Getting back to what the Rabbi told my friend about showing her husband that she loves him in a real, vulnerable, and honest way – how do we go about doing this?

First, allow me to refer you back to what I wrote in this article, about making him feel like a gibor – like he is your hero. Making him feel so appreciated, needed and admired for saving the day whether it is by making a living, fixing something around the home, offering a solution to something that is bothering you, or taking the car in for its annual maintenance test.

Furthermore, if I understood correctly what the Rabbi was trying to convey – it’s okay and even highly recommended to be vulnerable and even a little playful with your husband in this area. For example (these are my examples not the Rabbi’s), when he leaves for work in the morning, ask him when he will be back this evening, wink wink; call him at work and tell him that you miss him. Make him his favorite meal and when serving it tell him – I thought of you today and just had to make you something special. If he responds to something you said or asked him about in a way that makes you happy, instead of just smiling, say something like “You. Are. The. Best!” When listening to him, don’t interrupt and remain focused and attentive with your heart as well as with your mind.

This was my humble understanding of what the Rabbi was trying to convey to my friend. I’m definitely interested in trying out this advice might elaborate on this article in the future. For now, I will leave you with the following:

Feminine energy is powerful! It has the power to convey to a man how much of a gibor – a hero he is to you, thereby making him feel more secure in the fact that his masculine game is ON. The more feminine the woman is and the more masculine the man is, the more aligned they are and the more stable their spiritual pipeline of abundance becomes. More than that, it sounds to me like as a wife and husband grow more feminine and masculine respectively, they experience new realms within their love relationship. And isn’t that Hashem’s will for us?