The great thing about having a weekly family meeting is that everyone gets on the same page and many miscommunications are avoided!
Ladies! Might you perhaps be interested in upgrading the effectiveness in which your home runs while at the same time improving all-around family communication? Well, I have got something for you – the Family Meeting! This is a concept we’ve been learning about in my Homeschool/Parenting Mentor group, but which I’ve been procrastinating about implementing oh, for a loooooong time. Yup, when I find something that I just KNOW is going to be super helpful to me, the first thing I do is procrastinate. Go figure.
The family meeting is actually one of three meetings we have been learning about. There is also the parents meeting, during which each child is discussed. This precedes the family meeting. And there are also the one on one meetings that a parent will have with each child, for some quality time, or to teach them something, talk to them about a challenge they may be going through, or just to have some good old fun together. In this article, I’m only talking about the family meeting.
Okay so the great thing about having a weekly family meeting is that everyone gets on the same page and many miscommunications are avoided. For example, kids get clear on what is expected of them, their schedule for the week, any behavioral issues they need to work on, etc. Parents get clarity on anything that a child needs help with, and anything coming up in school or with friends that they should know about like a school trip or a friend’s birthday party, etc.
The family meeting basically consists of announcements, topics to discuss and then coming up with solutions and decisions for whatever was discussed. One person leads the meeting, but everyone can contribute.
At this first family meeting, led by yours truly, we began with a couple of announcements. 13-year old got into X yeshiva ketana for next year – hurray and mazal tov! In a week and a half from now we have a family bar mitzva and a friend’s wedding both on the same day and we are planning on attending both. This is the plan for how we’re going to do it…
The family meeting basically consists of announcements, topics to discuss and then coming up with solutions and decisions for whatever was discussed.
We then moved on to topics for discussion. Up first was the chores chart for the month. We went through it and I asked if anyone wanted to make any changes to it and whether it was clear to everyone. Once that was done, I hung it on the fridge for daily reference.
Next, we discussed four skills having to do with listening and communicating between children and parents – another teaching from the Homeschool/Parenting Mentor group (taken from the book A House United):
1. When a parent tells you to do something, you need to look at them, listen to what they are saying, say okay, and then do whatever it is they told you to do.
2. When a parent says “no” to you, you need to look at them, accept the no answer, and stop talking or whining about it.
3. When you are given a consequence, look the person in the eye, say okay, and carry out the consequence without talking about it anymore.
4. Disagreeing in a respectful manner: ask permission to respectfully disagree, tell the parent what it is you would like to have/to do, accept their final answer and do not talk about it anymore.
We went on to practice these communication skills for a couple of minutes and then I announced the marble jar motivator! Anytime a child carries out the above skills successfully, we place a marble in the jar. Once the jar is full, we get to do something EXCITING as a reward for a job well done. We took a vote and bowling was chosen as the grand prize.
That was basically it. It took about twenty minutes. We agreed to meet once a week on Mondays.
It truly is an awesome upgrade to the way the home runs as well as the family communication!
The rest of the week really did go so much smoother and was noticeably less stressful. Were things perfect? No, not even close. But the daily chores were a lot less of an issue and the whining, talking back and attitude problems for “no” answers were greatly reduced. I did not lose it as much as I normally do since I mainly concentrated on reminding them how to use the four skills instead of getting into a power struggle over an offensive behavior.
Phew, what a load off! Can you believe it took me months and months to wrap my head around this? I kid you not. But now that I have, I’m very happy to share this information with you because it truly is an awesome upgrade to the way the home runs as well as the family communication. Remember, it doesn’t have to take long, and it doesn’t have to get emotional. Just 20 minutes and two or three things on the agenda is enough for each meeting.
Wishing you a wonderful week with less stress and smoother family communication!
