FROM THE RECENTLY PUBLISHED ‘REBBE NACHMAN’S SOUL’, ADAPTED FROM HIS AUDIO SHIUR ON SICHOS HARAN 12

A life of kedushah

In Parshas Tzav, the Torah describes the avodah of the korbanos – and Chazal reveal something astonishing: a person who serves Hashem with mesirus nefesh is considered as if he is bringing himself as a korban on the Mizbeach. The Torah commands: “אֵשׁ תָּמִיד תּוּקַד” — the fire must burn constantly. But what is that fire today? Rabbeinu zal teaches that every time a person struggles, fights distractions, pushes himself to daven, to learn, to grow – even when he doesn’t succeed – he is literally placing himself on the Mizbeach, sacrificing part of himself for Hashem. Rabbeinu zal says that there are people who struggle very hard to begin a life of serving HaShem. They try not to live a life of gashmiyus. We are referring to those who get up in the morning and, even if they daven, they daven very quickly. They get it off their mind and are now through with it. Then they go to eat, and when they eat they have much more kavanah than when they davened. They go to work, and work much harder than they did at davening or perhaps even eating. They work in order to be able to buy more food so they can eat again, to have enough strength to go back to work again, and buy food to eat again, etc. This is a life of behemiyus, an animalistic type of life. In the course of the day, the person may grab a few little things like tefillin, a Minchah or a Ma’ariv, but his life revolves mainly around gashmiyus. There are people who struggle to rid themselves of this type of life, because it’s a life of slavery. A person is a slave to his gashmiyusdike ta’avos, the physical desires of the yetzer hara. The goal is to become a free person, to be able to serve HaShem without the burden of ta’avos. A fierce battle must be fought, a struggle for life itself, against the power of the satan, the yetzer hara, who is endowed with miraculous powers to present every possible obstacle to stop a person from taking on this new type of life — a rich, pure, spiritual life. In this battle against the satan, a person finds that every obstacle and confusion that confronts him makes his life miserable, and he suffers greatly.

Sacrificing oneself over and over again

Chazal quote a pasuk in Tehillim which says, “Ki alekha horagnu kol hayom” (Tehillim 44:23), HaShem, we died for You every day, we were killed for You every day. We suffered death and yet, we remained alive. If you were killed one day, how do you come back again? We suffered the torture of death and came back willingly to suffer it again each day anew. These words are referring to someone who, while davening each day, endures a mental battle against the yetzer hara. Each time, a mental image comes into his mind to stop him from concentrating on the words. The battle is so strong and intense; it’s a battle to the death. What is all this referring to? If a person succeeds in going through a whole tefillah, whether all of Shemoneh Esrei or an entire Shacharis, without allowing the enemy to come into his mind, it means that he “died” for the sake of his tefillah. The Gemara says that for such a tefillah, a person lays himself down on the Altar and sacrifices his life to HaShem. This means that he stops his physical life and concentrates only on the pure spiritual thoughts pertaining to HaShem. Rabbeinu zal says that this also applies to a person who has to fight the yetzer hara, the satan, driving it out of his mind in order to be able to serve HaShem. This is not easy. If a person is accustomed to a materialistic life, it is extremely difficult for him to sacrifice himself for something holy instead of going out and having a good time or relaxing. If a person works eight hours a day and sleeps six hours every night, he has ten hours left. These ten hours of freedom are more hours than the time he works or sleeps. What happens to those ten hours? He eats for an hour or two, rests for an hour or two. He may read or entertain himself as well. He also allows an hour or so for davening and another hour for learning. But then a person decides that he wants to begin to serve HaShem fully. From now on he’s going to sacrifice his physical desires and start to increase the time he spends learning Torah. He’ll also spend more time on davening, whether it’s regular davening at a slower pace or hisbodedus, private communion with HaShem. He adds an hour or so at a time, and he wants to add more, but there seem to be so many barriers that appear impossible to overcome. He is suddenly confronted with new things that come up, so he decides to start tomorrow. The next day, the same thing happens again. Somebody comes to visit, his wife wants to visit friends, he’s got his taxes to fill out. Every day there’s another excuse. But if he says, “Regardless of what comes up, I’m going to put everything aside and give priority to the study of Torah for this additional hour or two,” he is striving toward a tremendous level. He is considered to be giving his very life for the sake of serving HaShem.

When you try your best

There are cases where a person tries his best, but as much as he tries there are always new obstacles that come up, preventing him from fulfilling his desired priorities in serving HaShem. He’d like to serve HaShem by studying Torah for four hours, davening for an additional three hours, and then relaxing for an hour. But he is not able to increase his learning and davening for more than a half hour or so, and he feels very bad about it. Rabbeinu zal says that a person should continue to do as much as he can; he should not stop. Every time you try, know that even if you don’t succeed, you are credited for the effort. Nothing is lost — every time a part of you “dies” for the sake of your effort to serve HaShem, it is recorded, and in the future, it will come to help you. Even if one does not succeed, he should say to himself, “I tried, yet so many obstacles were sent to me that I could not succeed. But I accept the will of Heaven, and will continue to try.” Reb Noson says that we can apply this advice very simply. If you stop to think, you realize that stealing an hour away from pleasure and relaxation in order to study Torah is no simple matter. It’s very difficult because the yetzer hara is very powerful (See Likutey Halakhos, Eiruvey Techumin 5:35).

Say a person has saved up money and has made all the sacrifices necessary, and he goes about with readiness and willingness of “alekha horagnu,” to kill part of himself, financially and otherwise, for the sake of the mitzvah of going to Rabbeinu zal’s tziyun. As much as he tries, the satan attacks with so much force that he ultimately does not succeed in this effort. What is he supposed to do? He must accept this as the will of Heaven, as a temporary setback. But primarily, he should know that if he did not get to the tziyun, not one iota of effort made on his part was lost. Everything is saved. Just as you put money in the bank, so all your efforts are deposited into a “bank” in Heaven. Every bit of effort you made for the sake of HaShem and for the sake of a mitzvah is recorded to your credit. Someday, when you’re really in need, all that effort will come to your assistance. When the time comes, something incredible happens. Suddenly all the effort you saved up — all the hundreds and thousands of times you tried and did not succeed in doing this mitzvah — will literally break through and destroy all the obstacles in your way, so that you will ultimately succeed. Rabbeinu zal says: “Never give up. Continue to try, continue to strive to complete the mitzvah.” Secondly, know that all the efforts you invested are fulfilling the pasuk “Ki alekha horagnu kol hayom.” The person has sacrificed his life, his well-being, his very self for the sake of a mitzvah, and this is recorded as such.