How do we incentivize our husband and kids in the massive Pesach effort while maintaining good, positive feelings all around?
Hi there! How are Pesach preparations going? I wanted to touch on the Pesach prep today because the next two weeks are a time when we ask our husband and kids for more help than usual around the house, right? And sometimes, this leads to some sticky emotions such as frustration, disappointment or anger at a job not well done.
Now, I know they should be helping us with ALL their heart and out of the kindness of their heart, but the reality is that they need an incentive to keep going and get the job done well. Don’t we all? Perhaps an incentive in the form of currency? Yes, that usually works. But for various reasons, most of us are not going to start paying husbands and kids to help for Pesach. Nope, not happening. LOL!
So how do we incentivize them in the massive Pesach effort while maintaining good, positive feelings all around? What kind of currency can we use to seal the deal?
Answer:
Appreciation. Expressing appreciation – an emotional currency of sorts.
This can kick someone’s enthusiasm to get the job done into high gear AND simultaneously it provides for more positive feelings all around.
Why?
All people, (FYI especially men) need to see that they are moving towards their goal, and when you express appreciation, this means to them that they are progressing. The more a person sees that they are indeed moving closer to their goal, the more excited they feel about it.
Most people think happiness and other positive feelings come from receiving things from the outside. Like getting a cleaning lady, a new car, going on vacation, a pay raise, new toys, etc. And these things do create an initial feel good excitement.
But to feel a long tern state of positivity/happiness, I believe we need to be working on something that is meaningful to us; something we believe will make a difference for the better to us or others. As we are working on such a project/job and gradually progress, we feel more and more energized, excited, and well…. good about ourselves.
Because of these positive feelings, we are going to feel compelled to keep going with our project. Appreciation keeps people going because it shows them that they are indeed progressing. Appreciation is food for a hungry emotional soul. And if the appreciation is coming from a wife to a husband or mother to kids – it makes you relevant to the drive, positivity, and enthusiasm that they are feeling. The more you give it, the more they subconsciously associate you with positive emotions.
All people, (FYI especially men) need to see that they are moving towards their goal, and when you express appreciation, this means to them that they are progressing.
EXAMPLES:
With kids:
You jumped straight to the task when I asked you to clean that cabinet. I so appreciate your working on it right when I asked you to!
You’re doing this cleaning job with such a good and responsible attitude. I really appreciate it!
Your room is literally shining! You threw away all the garbage, vacuumed and dusted. What a number 1 helper you are!
You’re taking initiative and asking how else you can help? How grown up you are – thank you!
Expressing appreciation – an emotional currency of sorts…
With husband:
You knew I didn’t want to do the fridge and you swooped right in and took over. That took such a load off – thank you!
Ordering in the pesach desserts was such a huge help, I cannot begin to tell you how much I appreciate it!
Thank you for working so hard for us and enabling me to have extra pesach cleaning help – you saved me so much time and freed me from exhaustion!
I know you’re going to downplay helping with turning over the kitchen but all your hard work on it was super impressive!
Why appreciation is so key?
Expressing gratitude consistently can gradually shape behavior. You can cause even the most unmotivated to slowly but surely, become more and more motivated to help and do a job well. Every time you express appreciation and gratitude, you show them that what they are doing is meaningful to you, appreciated by you, and that they are someone you look up to. This drives them to do a better and better job.
Reinforce even the smallest efforts with gratitude and appreciation. I’m not saying to make a big deal out of nothing but notice any effort and express what it is exactly you noticed and are grateful for.
Alright Mamas, get your gratitude hats on – let’s go!